Well, I moved back to living with my parents again. I really hate saying the sentence loud, cause it always sound so pathetic. In any case, it's a good decision. For one thing, I don't have to worry about rent. I will still sleep in my old place for tonight. My rent last until tomorrow night officially. When I moved all my stuff out of the room and was preparing to leave, I glanced back, and a sudden sadness swelled up inside. Sure, the room was tiny and falling apart. But it was my shelter during which when I was most confused when I moved into a new stage in my life. Here is where I could bring a day's weary and confusion, and leave them behind in the morning. As I'm walking away, I can feel something new inside of me. I have taken a part of this room with me. Here I have grew and from here I have matured. Leaving here is like saying goodbye to an old friend and teacher. I'll never forget this place, and I'll always be thankful of the experiences here. I have a feeling some other kid who just graduated from highschool and is excited of university life will live here. The room will always teach the life's lesson to the lucky ones that inhabit in it. Farewell room, and thank you....

Here's a little anecdote. On Sunday, I woke up discovering what a fabulous day it was. Remembering I need to study for my Eco test, I thought to myself: What I wouldn't give to be outside. Just then, my mother phoned me and told me to help my father fixing our house in Missesaga. Apperantly the bathroom wall there have severe leakage, and has to be fixed. Ah, hardly what I consider to be "fun in the sun". Family business is family business, I headed down there, and bought 2 concrete drywalls and 1 big wall panel with him. We tore down half of the bathroom wall, stopping only when we hit sections without water damage. The leakage was unbelievable, the wall disintegrated with the smallest pull on it. Apperantly the previous owner tried to fix it, but instead of replacing the broken drywall, he stuffed newspaper in it! We were able to fix the wall within about four hours, the moral of the story? Beware what you wish for.

So I finally figured out how to make a dynamic site with PHP and MySQL. No, not coding everything by hand. I finally figured out how to do it with Dreamweaver. Coding everything by hand is too much work, plus my head hurts just looking at all the new commands and codes I gotta memorize. Yeah, cause you know, I'm not all that l337.

I wrote another new poem called "Forever Gone", I got many good replies from the poetry forums, even though at the time I was hoping they could tell me how I can improve it, but they only told me it was amazing, so if it is, give me your point of view Dav. It's on my site, and also in my poetry section.

Heehee, found him.

Poor Canker.... I mean poor Dav... now... where the hek is Adamn....?

Went to kungfu on Thursday, after about another 2 months absence. Saw Brazir after what, four months? Well, sparred a bit with him. He have gotten suprisingly good, the tension in his arms are all gone. Which makes him much tougher to deal with, now that I have a harder times to get around his defence. With him getting better, and me getting rusty, you can expect me getting hurt. Yup, that's exactly what happened. Well, he just hit my face once, but that made my teeth cut up my inner lips. With the canker I got from Judo, they sting like hell. Cankers are THE worst kind of injury ever. They are not nearly threatening enough to be classified as an actual "injury", but they occur really really often. I get cankers most of the times I sparr. Well, they form from the cuts my inner lips get when I get hit in the face. They sting like heck and prevents me from eating or speaking very much. They are just this annonyance that I have to live with for 2 weeks once every 3 weeks. Here's a typical conversation with some random Chinese person whenever this topic comes up: me: " Ha ha ha, that's funny~~~hahah....owwwwww" rcp: "What's wrong with you?" me: "I go this stupid canker..." rcp: "Oh, you must have a lot of heat, go eat more fruits." me: "yeah......." why do people think put citric acid and totally inflamming the canker is good for it? Don't they know how much it hurts when you do that? Don't they know once inflamed, these things get worse? Anyways, my lip hurts so much I can literally feel my body secreating anesthetic to comfort it. Hm...it's numb with pain....

Darkness of Hell Tears of blood dripping down the heart, Fire of hate dance in forms of art. Torn apart by thou emotionless rats, Hammered deeply under thou poisonous darts. Music of grief sorrow possess this innocent passion, Scornful portraits sealed that once colourful dimension. Shall the god of all power imprison the last moral grace, Where thorned roots eternally intruded this infant flesh. by : Dex

Writing from the computer in Gerstein's library Only less than 3 hours from my calculus mid-term.... I can hear my brain screaming away as I haplessly watch myself fall into doom. Ah..I hate integration so much...

Went to spectate the Ontario Judo Open tournament. Well, we arrived kind of late, so we were only able to see a few matches. It was still pretty good though. One of the blackbelts ( well, they are ALL blackbelts ) was really good, and always get Ippon within seconds into the match. I enjoyed the atmosphere of the event. It was held in a gym ( it was more like a big tent really ) behind a private highschool. I've always liked the discreetness of martial arts. The event didn't have many audiences, most/all were the competitor's familiy members or students. I heard that the event wasn't successful this year. Judo is fading in popularity, at least in Canada. Went for sushi afterwards, and joked around as usual. I find it difficult to have a conversation with the guys in Judo sometimes though. I mean, aside from Judo, what else can we talk about? I know that all of the guys there are very knowlegable about all kinds of stuff. They are most doing their masters or Phds or what not. Yeah, so we didn't talk all that much. Had some talk about Chinese and Vietnamese political and education system with Hein. Political discussions are too sensitive however and are best avoided in Canada imo. We probably needed more sake :D All in all, it was a fun day.

Lalala.. yeah, I better stop doodling, maybe not because I am really bored right now... what should I do? Hey Dav where are you? got anything movie that you can bring on Monday? ok, now what else can I say...? hmm...Dav do you mind if I just keep on Wondering like this on the blog? Yeah this is called wondering right? and I am just wondering around writing down what ever goes through that Watermelon brain of mine, or was it pea size? I've no idea how big my brain really is. Now I just forgot what I just forgot again. Now what was it that I forgot? hm...? well if I forgot it.. then how can I remember? But then if I forgot what I remember then how I can forget what I forgot? so did I forget what I forgot? or did I forgot what I forget? did I remember that I forgot what I forget to forget the forgotten? or did I remember what I forgot and forget what I remember? I think I just simply forgot what I forgot... No wonder its a Wondering Blog...

This Winter Day The weather is still freezing cold, icy road is slippery than ever from yesterday's melted snow. Wind blowing hard on the people in the street, and the distant afternoon sun ray down into the eye sight. Given a feeling of absurd life, where one sees warmth yet feel the coldness. Given the soul an emptiness, where the love is far away and life is all about loneliness. How one wish a body to hold, How one wish a love to love, How one wish a stove to heat, How one wish a home to stay. Comming back to reality, A dream is just a dream. Comming back to sense, A poem is just a poem. (c) by Dexter - 2003

Ah its good to see everyone posting, maybe I should post less from now on, or else everyone will be so lazy and let me do all the posting work. Not Fair. Anyways, I'll keep on writing poems, and composing music, and practicing my instrument, and program my site, and do my work, ops... speaking of work, I better get back to work :P

Hehe, see I'm posting in blog. Tag board is somehow not suitble for bigger posts. right? ;) well this post isn't gonna be too big. I just read a bunch of comics dave sent me...all my reactions were like: "eerrr....", "what the...", "-_-|||", or "hahahahahahaha" ....what i want to say is they are different. hehe, more like those I read from the newspapers, but not my Chinese/Japanese funny mangas. Canadian-like? the non-sense joking is funny somehow. But yeah, it's cool. I like it. And I'm glad I got most of them :)

This blog is evolving into something I didn't expect. I originally created it with the ol'generic purpose of "keeping a record of my life and emotions". Well, I'm not doing a good job of either. I did write about my more private feelings when I just started the blog. Ever since I started letting others post here though, I kinda stopped posting anything other than "Oh, this is cool" or "Oh, let me bitch about my martial arts". I've really started feeling uncomfortable posting anything with a bit more emotional depth in here. More people posting here gives the site a more social feel. Well, it's stupid because all the people that knows me ( and my website ) will see my blog regardless. I could always pretend no one will see the postings before, but now that fact is in the back of my head everytime I write something here. Well, it's still interesting to see what the blog turns into. Other than Dex, no one actually post anything too deep about their emotions. Well...I dunno about how much depth there is in Dex's postings, but that's cause I'm fucking lazy ( I've stopped swearing here too ) and don't want to find all the symbolisms or something like that. Oh, guess what, I should be doing my Calculus problem set that is due tomorrow, or later on today...whatever. Procrastination is great, but distractions are even better.

I know I know, this is my blog. I am posting arn't I. I'm seriously considering the possiblity of dropping Kendo now. Now that the natural of the art becomes apperant to me, I see that it really doesn't suit my personality. Kendo is, in one word, brutal. You rush at your opponent and attack endlessly with the intention of cutting them into ribbons and then splash their corpses all over the place by pushing their lifeless bodies out of your way, only to cut the next guy's head open, and the cycle continues. I don't mind the yelling and the simplicity of the techniques. What I can't stand is the totally Japanese mentality that comes with the practice. Budo is derived from the life of samurais. Which basically is a method of training soldiers. A good soldier ( or samurai, if you want to fancify it ) would need to eliminate an opponent as fast and effeciently as possible in the field of battle, to ensure the survival of himself. This means there need to be no regard for the well being of the opponent, dehumanize them if you will. Of course, people later find after the war is over, having the same mindset is very very bad for society. Cause what you basically get is this extremely anti-social and hieretical group of people who go around killing people. So they added elements of mutual cooperation and respect into it. This is much of the reason why all Japanese martial art, and the whole Japanese culture in general is so militarilistic. Since it's heavily influences and by Budo. Anyways, the point is that Kendo is way too aggresive for me. Charles just yell at me today " You're like a wildcard! Control! If you're do it again, I'm gonna really wack you! ". He wasn't joking when he said this, he was yelling with the serious Japanese attitude. I mean is the last threat really necessary? I get told by my kungfu Sifu all the time, but he never ever threatens me. Sure, he hits me pretty hard when I do a technique wrong, but only when showing the outcome of what will happen. Anyways, I simply don't like the general attitude in Kendo. The whole "attack attack and attack some more" idea just isn't my thing. I like to wait for the opponent to move first, then counter attack. Of course, I get yelled at when I do that in Kendo. Maybe I'm being a stubborn bastard who won't empty my cup before learning another art. Kendo just isn't for me I guess. On the other hand, I'm enjoying Judo tremendously. The people are nice and relaxed. Take Hein for example. He's really really good, but he never talks to the students with a dominate attitude. He's relaxed and funny but yet very serious in he's actions. Almost all of the other higher ranks in Judo are just like him. A good martial artist should be like this imo. That is how I strive to be when eaching beginners, and that is how my sifu is, and how all the more senior guys in kungfu are. Ok, that's my rant, this should cover for all the times I didn't post :P

hi, i got a photo album as well:P ..go check it out ~~ http://community.webshots.com/user/crystal8401 if anybody have intereting photos, send to me, and i will post them on~!!lol also, i got a open diary site, it's my diary open to everybody supposely, leave me a note there by all means to indicate u've been there la~~,it's : http://www.freeopendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=B215209 ya...have fun doing what ever u are doing, make urself comfy:) i'll see you guys later!

I can post too :) but there isn't anything really signicant happening recently. Ski trip was fun, having Crystal staying over was fun, eating out was fun, watching Spirited Away was fun ( and i absolutely loved it), and talking to dave for hours was fun. Everything is going well i guess, except some trivial unhappiness. I was confused, for the impact of selfishness and loyal friendship. I tried to figure things out, but I always ended up doing the same thing: give up and stop thinking hard. I gave up some friendship, i gave up the one i truly like, and I gave up being myself even more than ever. I spent every day in the same way, day by day, being totally unconscious how my life is insignifant. I don't care though, like what I have said, my goal of life is simply to be happy, make myself and others happy. sounds pathetic eh? Fran wants to find the origin and meaning of life, but I don't. I don't think that I want to "reproduce" by following the biological cycle, I just live, learning and gaining happiness from the daily experience. Enjoying the recent moment, I guess I'm having a pretty good life...no regrets, no chaos, just live.

No wonder you guys aren't posting, y'all are all out having fun, while I am the only one that had to stay home. Oh well... one more month to go.

Why the hek am I the only one posting? not fair...